Peach Blossom Pavilion Page 3

  The door creaked open and light flooded from behind Mother's back. Eyes widened, she dropped open her mouth. "Xiang Xiang, what a surprise! I've been worried to death about you!"

  Choked with emotions, I could only utter a loud "Ma!" then thrust myself into her arms.

  Mother led me inside and took me to sit down on the floor. The room was practically empty except for two suitcases and a few odds and ends.

  She was dressed in a threadbare black smock and pants. Her hungry eyes scrutinized me for long moments. "Xiang Xiang, you look so different!" she exclaimed, stroking my face. "Now your body is much stronger and your face rounder. I'm so glad that you're well fed." She touched my floral cotton top and pants. "Look at you in this pretty outfit!" Before I could respond, she plunged on excitedly, "Xiang Xiang, I'm so glad that we finally have a piece of good luck!"

  "But Ma-"

  "Xiang Xiang, try not to complain too much; learn to be grateful."

  So how could I have the heart to tell her the truth-that I'd been tricked into a prostitution house? Besides, I was indeed well clothed and fed and not too badly treated. Although Peach Blossom Pavilion was a prostitution house, it was indeed also a mansion for rich men and I did work there as a maid. So why distress Mother with the rest of the truth? Therefore, when she went on to ask me this and that about my new life, I simply told her not to worry.

  When I asked Mother why hadn't she come to see me, she sighed, "Hai, Xiang Xiang, I've been very busy going from house to house to borrow money to pay off our debts before I leave this dusty world." She paused to put one strand of my hair in place. "I did try to go to your place, but the address Aunty Fang gave me was wrong. I've been asking around anyone who might know her, but," Mother stopped in midsentence to look at me tenderly, "anyway, you're here now."

  I scribbled my address and gave it to her. "Ma, this is the right address, so you can write me after you've arrived in Peking."

  She carefully folded the paper as if it were a hundred silver-dollar bill and put it into her purse.

  My heart slowly shattered inside.

  Fall was fading into winter. The weather had already turned chilly and most of the leaves on the white parasol trees had fallen, and were strewn along the Huangpu River bank.

  After a rickshaw ride and an interminable walk, my mother and I dragged our numbed bodies toward the North Train Station, dreading the moment of departure. Only one thought occupied our minds: We never knew when we would see each other again.

  Staring at the parasol leaves scattered in intriguing patterns along the asphalt ground, Mother said, her voice smeared with melancholy. "Xiang Xiang, we Chinese say `falling leaves returning to their roots.' You understand what this means?"

  I looked up and caught her eyes beaming with tears. "Yes, Ma, it means that no matter what happens, we should always find our way home."

  A wry smile broke out on her bloodless face. "Will you remember this?"

  I nodded, too choked with sadness to say anything. Also because I was thinking: But Ma, where's our home? I don't think we have one to go back to anymore! The turquoise pavilion, although it also had a "mama," was definitely not my home, nor was the nunnery my mother's. But I swallowed my words as well as my tears.

  We arrived at the station and stepped inside the crowded lobby. Mother hurried to join the queue to buy tickets. I watched rich tai tai chatting languidly while waiting for their servants to buy them first-class passage.

  After a while, Mother rushed back to me, waving the ticket in her hand. We hurried to the train. In the past, I had always felt excited by trains. I'd liked listening to their "Wu! Wu! " sound and watching the white smoke puffing out from their noses like steamed snow, while imagining the exotic places they would take me to. But now I dreaded this black monster. Soon it would grab my mother and take her away from me to a walled temple filled with baldheaded women reciting unintelligible sutras as if they were talking to ghosts!

  "Xiang Xiang," Mother said, while tenderly putting a Guan Yin pendant around my neck, "now hurry back to Aunty Fang and behave. Always obey her as if she were your real mother and never cause any trouble; you understand?"

  I felt tears stinging my eyes. "But Ma, that fat, ugly pig is not my mother!"

  Thwack! Mother slapped my face.

  I started to cry. "Ma, why don't you take me with you?"

  "You think I've never thought of that?" She sighed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my tears. Her voice came out soft and low. "Sorry that I hit you, Xiang Xiang. But do you have any idea what kind of a life it is to be a nun? It's fine with me since my prime has passed and now I'm but a worthless old woman. But you're young and beautiful and have a bright future waiting before you, so I won't let you squander it in a nunnery. Besides," she sighed again, "one of the novice nuns told me that the Mother Abbess said .. She stopped in midsentence.

  "Said what?"

  "That you're too beautiful to be a nun, and she fears your beauty will bring bad luck to her temple."

  Usually my heart would leap to heaven when people said that I was pretty, but now it sank to the bottom of the sea. "How do they know that I'm pretty?"

  "I told them, because I'm so proud of you." Mother patted my head. "Xiang Xiang, I know a servant girl's life isn't easy. But it's only temporary. We'll find a way out sooner or later. Now listen to me. After you've seen me off, go right back to your master. And don't forget it's very important that you obey him and his wives, and try your best to get along with everyone, otherwise you won't have a roof to live under nor even thin rice gruel to warm your stomach. Remember, not only that you must put up with any hardship, you have to endure it with a smile, so no one will see a trace of bitterness." She paused to search my face. "Xiang Xiang, instead of complaining, you should thank heaven for all this, you understand?"

  I nodded, licking and tasting the salt of my tears. "Ma, when will we see each other again?"

  "Not for a while, but we will." Mother squeezed out a smile. "We can always write to each other. Or maybe I can even try to come back here to see you." She paused, "There are many temples on the western side of the Taiyi Mountain southwest of Peking. I think I'll settle there, but I'm still not sure in which one. I'll write you as soon as I arrive."

  She sighed, looking at me with her tear-misted eyes. "Hai, Xiang Xiang, I know no matter how decently they treat you in your new house, you're still a maid after all." She considered for a moment, then spoke again thoughtfully, "Just remember one thing: We can't beat fate, but we can play along and make the most out of it. Try to be happy." Mother went on, "Also, be careful what you tell about yourself in the new house. Don't say anything about how your baba died. Be cautious."

  I nodded.

  Mother gave me a quick hug. "Xiang Xiang, I'm afraid our paths must part now. May Guan Yin be with you till we meet again.

  With that, she hurried toward the train, tripped, pulled herself up, then, without turning back, mounted the black monster. With her back to me, she frantically waved her one-way ticket until her familiar slender figure vanished among the crowd.

  I stared hard at the tracks that would take her away to the nunnery in Peking but would never bring her back.

  3(

  The Dark Room

  Tith the "Wu! Wu! " sound of the train still ringing in my ears, _ I hired a rickshaw to go back to Peach Blossom. When I got off the vehicle and started to walk, I felt both the bitter cold wind and my own tears stinging my cheeks.

  To my surprise, as I sneaked up to the main gate, I saw Fang Rong standing there, thrusting forward her fat, wrinkled neck. Once she spotted me, she hollered, "Catch this little bitch!"

  Immediately, a huge lump of a man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me. His hold was so tight that his fingers pinched deeply into my flesh. Before I could scream, I felt blows on my head and slaps on my face.

  Then Fang Rong's voice screeched next to my ear like an out-oftune fiddle. "I told you that you can't go out by yourself! Where have you been?!
"

  "To ... see my mother off to Peking."

  "See your mother off? Are you blind? Don't you see your mama is right here in front of you?" More slaps on my face, then, "To the dark room!"

  I was immediately blindfolded, lifted up, and carried away. Although the man walked fast, it still seemed a long time before he dropped me down and removed my blindfold. I was thrown into a dim, airless cubicle, and immediately I knew that people didn't have to die to go to hell. It was right here on earth.

  The stench of the damp, rotten floor pierced my nostrils. Although I could hardly see anything in the dark, I could hear squealing, which made me aware that I was not alone.

  I banged on the iron door. "Mama, let me out! Please let me out! "

  Fang Rong's voice sneered, "Mama? Haven't you just told me that your mama has already left for Peking?" A deafening pause, then, "Now see whether you dare to run away again!" followed by a peal of chilling laughter and footsteps marching triumphantly away.

  I didn't know how long I'd been banging on the door before I felt so exhausted that I groped around and slumped on a wobbly cot.

  It was then that I noticed the squealing again.

  My heart flipped. Was there another person here? Or were there ghosts?

  I quickly pulled the filthy blanket over my head. Then I felt something cool and hairy brushing against my hand. I screamed and jumped off the bed.

  Rats.

  They were everywhere-to keep me company!

  I vomited though I hadn't had food in my stomach for hours. Suddenly a frenzied squealing almost froze my heart-the rats were swarming to vie for my vomit!

  Another wave of nausea sloshed in my stomach, but this time nothing came out of my mouth. My throat felt scorched. I wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and tried to forget my fear in sleep, but the coldness of the room made my teeth chatter, freezing me awake. Finally thirst became so unbearable that I got off the bed, stomped my feet to scare away the rats, then slipped off my pants and tried to pee. Maybe I could ease my thirst by drinking my own...

  But nothing came, not even one drop, then suddenly I felt something slimy scurry up my leg.

  I screamed. But that didn't stop the rat from climbing inside my pants. He was now squirming around my crotch. Cold sweat broke out all over my body. I screamed more. The filthy creature kept bumping until I realized that he must have been as scared as I. Crying hysterically, I snatched off my pants and flung him off.

  Overcome with disgust, I banged my head on the door and hollered, "Let me out! Let me out!" But there was no response except more screeching-this time my own-echoing eerily in the ghostly room. I kept banging and hollering. When nothing happened, I used my whole force to hit my head on the door.

  "Let me die!" My scream bounced in myriad directions. Suddenly, I felt something damp and sticky flow down from my scalp, then a salty, metallic tang seeped into my mouth ...

  I peed and lost consciousness.

  When I woke up, I found myself still surrounded by filth and darkness, but luckily the squealing was gone-the rats were now probably easing their full bellies by taking a nap. But my stomach was like a drum frantically beating and my throat was scorched as if I'd just swallowed burning coals. I tried to scream but my voice only came out in a whisper.

  As I fidgeted on the bed, I felt something strange-slimy and sticky-underneath my backside. I felt around with my hand, then put my fingers below my nose.

  "Blood! Blood! " I heard my scream bouncing off the walls.

  Instinctively I reached for my head, but the blood there had already dried. Again I touched the spot where I'd lain and felt the wet, warm bed. Strange, I didn't see how I could have hurt my bottom so badly that it bled. As I was brooding, a gradual pain rose in my stomach, followed by a warm surge of fluid oozing from between my thighs. It was then that I realized it was my yin part that had been bleeding.

  Panicked, I shot up from the bed, dashed toward the gate, and thrust my fists on the cold iron. "Mama! Mama! Please let me out! I'm going to die! I'm dying!"

  I didn't know how long I'd been banging until a state of lethargy and semiconsciousness took over my whole being. And the screeching began again ...

  I lost count of time. But I thought it must be the second or even the third day when a loud clang of the door jolted me awake. In burst Fang Rong and Wu Qiang. When I tried to shield my face from the blinding harsh light, Fang Rong slapped off my hand.

  "Oh, Mama!" I was stunned; I couldn't believe I'd just called her Mama! Was I so desperate to have a mother's comfort?

  I suddenly realized that instead of comforting me like my mother, she might hit me. Again I swung up my hand to shield my face.

  But to my utter surprise, Fang Rong squeezed a big grin and cooed, "Ah, my dear daughter, how you've suffered!" She laid her damp, fleshy palm on my forehead. "Thank heaven you don't have a fever." Then, "Are you hungry?"

  I nodded my head like a pounding jackhammer.

  "Now do you want to go back to the pavilion and have something to eat?"

  Again I nodded until I felt my head almost dislodge from my neck.

  As I was struggling to get up, Mama's eyes widened, her finger pointing to the bed. "Oh heaven, what happened?" Then she twisted her fat neck to face me. "Xiang Xiang, what did you do to yourself?"

  It was then that I remembered the blood. "I'm bleeding." I paused, then uttered weakly, "But I didn't do anything."

  Mama snatched up my hand to examine my wrists. Not able to find any cuts, she reached to touch the stains on the bed, then spun me around and yanked down my pants.

  "Mama!" My cheeks burned with humiliation. My hands tried to pull my pants back up only to be slapped off by Fang Rong's bear-like paws.

  Then, to my utter shock, she burst out laughing while her husband looked down modestly at his nails.

  Mama spun me back to face her. "Don't you realize that your great-aunt has just come to visit?"

  Neither of my parents had ever mentioned a great aunt. "But I don't have one," I said, pulling up my pants.

  "Hasn't your mother ever told you about your great-aunt?"

  I shook my head. "Where is she now?"

  The two exchanged meaningful glances. Then Fang Rong laughed so hard that her fleshy face looked like a fat, melting candle.

  Mama stopped to catch her breath, then, "Hmmm ... your mother must have felt too embarrassed to tell you. But why should she? Since she'd already been fucked by your father to have you."

  "What is fuck?" I imitated her tone.

  "Xiang Xiang," Wu Qiang stared into my eyes, "fuck means when a man puts his-"

  Mama cut him off sharply. "Wu Qiang, stop being overeager. You can leave that to me."

  Some silence, then Fang Rong spoke again. "Xiang Xiang, you're not a little girl anymore." She winked. "You've just turned into a woman.

  I had no idea what she was talking about.

  Mama went on, "Xiang Xiang, since your so-called mother was too lazy and too proper to explain about affairs of the wind and the moon," she tapped her chest, "you're lucky to have a real mama to enlighten you."

  Although I still didn't understand what she meant, I felt too exhausted to ask, let alone to defend my mother's "laziness."

  Seeing that I was on the verge of collapse, Mama said, her tone turning very tender, "My dear daughter, you must be starving, so why don't we all go to eat?"

  My feet were so weak and wobbly that Fang Rong and Wu Qiang had to half carry me back to the pavilion.

  Fang Rong asked her maid Little Red to bathe me. While I was being washed, neither of us mentioned anything about the dark room. Eyes closed, I enjoyed the sensation of the hot water sloshing against my bare flesh. I tilted my head to let the steam, like a spring breeze, massage my face. Little Red's sponge rubbed and swished on my neck, back, and shoulders, synchronizing with my contented sighs.

  When she finished, Little Red poured out the red-tinted water, then took out a thick, folded cloth.

&
nbsp; When she tried to position it between my legs, I yanked away her hands. "Little Red, I'm not going to wear this ridiculous thing!"

  She chuckled. "Xiang Xiang, then would you rather let everybody in the pavilion know that that thing of yours has come?"

  "Why are you people all talking in riddles today? What is that thing of mine, do you mean my great-aunt? But I don't have one!"

  Little Red giggled more.

  "What's so funny?"

  "Xiang Xiang, every girl has a great-aunt," she leaned close to me and lowered her voice even though there were only the two of us in the room, "that means her monthly red classic."

  Before I could respond, she went on, "When a girl grows up, every month she'll begin to bleed. But the blood oozing out from her lower hole is not ordinary blood. It's blood from inside her stomach. If a girl has not been with a man . . ." Little Red paused to whisper into my ears, "That means fuck-then her eggs will not mix with his seed but flow out from her yin part with the blood. But if the girl has been fucked by a man and gets pregnant, she'll stop bleeding-until the baby is born. So now your great-aunt has begun her visit, that means you can have a baby."